Belonging and Sense of Place

For many years I have traveled from one place to the next searching for something I thought I could only find by moving around. Heck, I even made a career of putting everything i need on my back and moving it from one side of a mountain to the next for the best possible alpine lake views or desert sunset views possible (outdoor educator in backpacking, alpine backpacking, rock climbing, canoeing and mountaineering for 12+ years to now) Every time, I was moving from one state to the next or one town to the next, I was seeking something that seemed so hard to define. Initially, I thought it was, "the love of my life," but then realized it was that I believed I was supposed to, "do something more," or "learn something more," to better myself. Each time I moved away from somewhere like, New York City or Australia, I thought I had failed or just could not make it there any more because I was not happy with my life or work - I was always so 'attached' to being somewhere else. I'd say all of my life up until I was 33 I longed of living anywhere except for Indiana. But, here I am, going through easily one of the hardest and saddest years of my life with my fathers sudden passing, but also allowing that experience to give myself the permission to live how I feel is going to be the best for me, my heart and my mental health. Thanks to where I live and how short of a time I've been running this business, I still have days that I doubt myself BIG TIME because I am daring do something different and be something different. I left my role as the Director of Programming and Events at North Mass Boulder for a reason. I left it because I knew I was meant to do more, I know how much I believe in the mission of my "dream business." The reality of the "dream business," coming to life is still a little foggy, but, I'm not sure we ever always want the same exact thing, because, if you are always learning, you are always changing just a bit and usually for the better.